A dear old classmate from high school contacted me tonight via Face book, and in providing lovely support of our adoption journey, she felt the need most graciously to caveat her affirmation with a hope that she wasn't saying anything insensitive . . . she had seen my blog. And so, I realized that I should probably clarify a bit further the 8/17 "Things Not to Ask..." post, as it's never been my intention to put anyone off nor to make any well-intentioned folks feel nervous or "on the outside."
So, if you are an old friend and you wish to email or Face book message me, have at it!
[Thanks M/M : ) ]
If you wish to talk with me on the phone or in person, that's fab, too.
If you are a stranger and you wish to introduce yourself and wade slowly and respectfully into the conversation, I'm game.
For me, personally, the "No-No's," really, are just two-fold:
#1. The comfort of the children is top priority, and so, if they are present, then we shall not discuss anything that points to them as different, foreign, or in need of adjusting, healing . . .
#2. Basic rules of typical etiquette in relation to any person regarding any topic of conversation -- if the person approached indicates that the time or place is not ideal for the proposed discussion, pay them the courtesy of waiting for a better time and/or place.
Otherwise, I'm good to chat.
For example, a number of friends and acquaintances when clearly out of earshot of the kids have inquired about their progress in adjusting to their new lives. In the absence of the children, this question is actually quite validating and supportive, as it communicates an understanding of the complexity of the situation -- the hard work being done both by us and by the children.
[When this question has, on occasion, been asked in front of the children, however, it makes them feel like objects of inspection who are only in the process of becoming "normal."]
As I've made deliberate efforts to help those around us feel comfortable with the changes taking place within our family, it is a sincere hope that my 8/17 post didn't alienate anyone.
Whether you've been on this journey from the start or if you're new to our blog or a new acquaintance, please be assured that I am happy to entertain dialogue . . . at the right time. : )
So, if you are an old friend and you wish to email or Face book message me, have at it!
[Thanks M/M : ) ]
If you wish to talk with me on the phone or in person, that's fab, too.
If you are a stranger and you wish to introduce yourself and wade slowly and respectfully into the conversation, I'm game.
For me, personally, the "No-No's," really, are just two-fold:
#1. The comfort of the children is top priority, and so, if they are present, then we shall not discuss anything that points to them as different, foreign, or in need of adjusting, healing . . .
#2. Basic rules of typical etiquette in relation to any person regarding any topic of conversation -- if the person approached indicates that the time or place is not ideal for the proposed discussion, pay them the courtesy of waiting for a better time and/or place.
Otherwise, I'm good to chat.
For example, a number of friends and acquaintances when clearly out of earshot of the kids have inquired about their progress in adjusting to their new lives. In the absence of the children, this question is actually quite validating and supportive, as it communicates an understanding of the complexity of the situation -- the hard work being done both by us and by the children.
[When this question has, on occasion, been asked in front of the children, however, it makes them feel like objects of inspection who are only in the process of becoming "normal."]
As I've made deliberate efforts to help those around us feel comfortable with the changes taking place within our family, it is a sincere hope that my 8/17 post didn't alienate anyone.
Whether you've been on this journey from the start or if you're new to our blog or a new acquaintance, please be assured that I am happy to entertain dialogue . . . at the right time. : )
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