"I" Is For "Integrity"

And then there's also their tenacity and resourcefulness -- Jamie & Ali McMutrie are named "Pittsburghers of The Year."  Take a read down difficult-memory-lane, and get a satisfying, inside look at a traumatic and miraculous time in the lives of 54 children, their new families, and the entire McMutrie family  .  .  .  Their youthful appearances belie their no-nonsense, uncompromising commitment to the children in their care.  Click the link below  .  .  .

 http://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/Pittsburgh-Magazine/January-2011/Pittsburghers-of-the-Year-Jamie-amp-Ali-McMutrie/index.php?cparticle=1&siarticle=0#artanc

Congrats, ladies!

Not Always What You Think

Well, I touched upon some of this months and months ago, and now that kids are closer to coming home, it would be helpful to give an updated primer for friends and fam about the basics we've learned about parenting adoptive children.  This is all in general terms, and only time will tell what is relevant to our two beauties.  I realize I run the risk of sounding like I'm lecturing, but know that my intention is only to share with you what I would want you to teach to me if our roles were reversed.  Knowing makes everything more comfortable; at least, that's how I tend to feel.  And there are so many dear, dear people who've been on this journey alongside us, I want to make certain you sense our gratitude and feel a part of things in a most comfortable way.

First, the general rule of understanding the needs of the kids, and therefore, the decisions of the new parents, is that children who have lived in orphanages have learned that adults are transient and replaceable, and it can take a very, very long time for kids to learn (deeply and with trust) that parents are permanently theirs, forever. 

So, what this means is it's not uncommon for adopted children to show indescriminant (false) affection to everyone, as they've been accustomed to being "everyone's child," as well as to ask strangers if he/she wants to be their mom/dad.  Prior to adoption training (and before talking with lots of adoptive parents), my so-called common sense would have led me to believe that kids acting this way must really bond quickly with people, and that they must have problems at home if they're "shopping" for parents.  Of course, both of these assumptions are quite false.

That leads to the second cardinal rule (if you will) -- that the causes behind many (but not all) behaviors of adopted children may be very, very different than what one might assume based on experiences with your own birth children and the (not-adopted) kids in our classrooms or at the neighbor's house next door, for example.

In an anticipated chronology of events .  .  . Upon homecoming, and for many months thereafter, kids new to the family need loads and loads of calm, quiet time at home with their new parents and siblings -- not only to get to know their new family, but to drink in the sites, sounds, smells  .  .  .  all the things an infant learns while rocked and fed by a mom and dad  .  .  .  stuff that most of us probably don't consider consciously when caring for our newborns.  Yet, this is so critical to security, trust, and familial identity.  In short -- bonding!  Attachment.

Once the family begins to invite guests into the home and venture into more social settings, there may be triggers for the children with which the parents must deal appropriately for the kids and without compromise.  If a situation is too overstimulating, or reminds the child of a fearful moment from their younger days, or lacks the structure he/she still needs, the visit may have to draw to a close earlier than planned.  Please, take no offense; it's likely to happen, but it's not due to your burnt meatloaf or lame jokes.  (Can you feel the love?)

 
Grief upon grief will usually surface as the children begin to bond healthily with their family; when they begin to trust and to love genuinely their parents, they finally feel they have an emotionally safe place to release their pain.  This is a very good sign of attachment and growth.  But it is messy and challenging.  Handled with love -- smart structure and high nurture, the children should come through with coping skills that surpass those of their age-mates.  It does, however, take time, and a lot of it. 

Over the years, developmental milestones and cognitive advancement lead the children to process their losses at increasing degrees of sophistication, and their sense of identity raises challenges in cycles throughout their lives.  Facilitated intuitively, these cycles can provide tremendous self-knowledge, courage, and wisdom.  But it takes patience. 

If you're still reading my cluvercrew blog after all these months, you've already proven your stamina.

And we thank you.

And as questions come to mind, please just ask -- open dialogue is a welcome friend. : )


(images borrowed from the internet)

Two More Hoops Before Four Stockings

Hope is reborn in our home as we await more word on process -- two pieces in particular -- that might, possibly, perhaps, maybe bring home Beatha and Jameson in time for Christmas.

These almost-eleven months have been filled with slow, careful verifications and documentation.  Every "t" crossed and each "i" meticulously dotted.  The children are nearing the realization of their dreams of a future with a family -- a promise of hope for which they have held in their hearts for such a long time.

A Watched Clock Ticks Loudly

tick.

tock.

TICK.

TOCK.

Thurs., 12/9/10 -- Obama Gave HHA His Left-Hand-Scrawl

Help Haiti Act eases adoption process for local family
Ernst Lamothe • Staff writer • December 9, 2010

"Agencies told Josh and Liz Daby to expect 18 to 24 months and the occasional bureaucratic hitch before the paperwork for adopting two children from Haiti was finalized.  While the process remains unfinished more than two years later, the Greece couple received good news from Congress this week that could make their two adoptive Haitian children —Johnny, 3, and Marie, 4, U.S. citizens.

Congress approved the Help Haiti Act and President Barack Obama signed it into law today. The measure instructs the secretary of homeland security to ensure that Haitian orphans receive permanent resident status just like other children adopted abroad by U.S. citizens.

'There is always something that comes up during the adoption process, and we’ve been waiting and trying so hard to finish everything — so anything that makes it easier for us is a blessing,” said Liz Daby, who picked up her adoptive children in Orlando, Fla., in January, almost two weeks after the earthquake. “Now we don’t have to wait years for our children to be U.S. citizens.'

After the Jan. 12 earthquake in the Caribbean country, about 1,000 Haitian orphans were brought to the United Sates for adoption by American families. However, they were placed in a legislative holding pattern in April because the earthquake disrupted the final administrative steps of the adoption process. The Help Haiti bill was introduced to Congress a month later. Without passage, the children might have faced being returned to Haiti if something were to happen to their adoptive families.

'The unprecedented devastation has turned the international adoption process upside down, where it could take years before these children could have any legal status in the U.S,” said U.S. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y. “In this moment of great uncertainty, we must ensure that these children have the legal protections that they deserve.'

The Dabys, who already had two biological children Emma, 6, and Josiah, 5, recognize the adoption process remains far from finished. With their drafting documents almost completed, they plan to go before Monroe County Family Court in the coming months. Then a judge will determine whether their paperwork is sufficient. Until then, they continue to help their children navigate a new home, culture and language less than a year after they experienced massive calamity in their homeland.

'When the earthquake happened, it was so devastating. We lost some friends there and we were so nervous about getting our children home safe,” said Liz Daby. “We didn’t know how they would adjust in the beginning but they are speaking almost complete English and have adjusted to being part of our family. The process has been difficult, but the end result of us having our kids here has been amazing.'"

This is an article I borrowed from a Google alert; nobody in it I know, personally, and I knew the President's signature was a matter of formality.  Yet, in a process with so many formalities, and many of which put familial relationships on hold for painful amounts of time, it felt really good to see something in the "done" category.

A Season of Waiting and Preparation

DAVID CRARY  The Associated Press

Wednesday, December 1, 2010; 7:04 PM

"-- After months of uncertainty, the way has been cleared for U.S. families to adopt 12 Haitian children who've been living at a Roman Catholic institution near Pittsburgh since a chaotic airlift that followed the devastating earthquake in January.

The Haitian government had sent a letter formally approving the adoptions, State Department spokeswoman Rosemary Macray said Wednesday, and the children will be matched with U.S. families over the coming weeks.

Unlike some 1,100 other children flown out of Haiti to the U.S. after the quake, the children at the Holy Family Institute in Emsworth, Pa., were not part of the adoption process prior to the disaster and, according to some legal experts, shouldn't have been eligible for the emergency program. Most of them had birth parents still living.  However, Macray said those parents, who were interviewed by U.S. officials, have formally relinquished custody.

Since their arrival in Pittsburgh on Jan. 19, the children - ranging in age from almost 2 to 13 - have been staying at the Holy Family Institute.  Preliminary steps were taken to match the children with adoptive families, and those matches will be reviewed to ensure their viability, said the institute's president, Sister Linda Yankoski. She said the four pairs of siblings among the 12 children would be kept together.

Yankoski said the prospective adoptive families are far-flung - from Oregon, Colorado and Illinois, for example. They are not being identified at this stage, and she said it's possible some of the matches could be changed. "We have to come up with a thoughtful transition plan for these children," she said, noting that some of the children didn't understand the concept of adoption and had grown used to living with each other.  "We're going to go at the pace of the child," she said. "We're going to follow their cues."

Initially, the Haitian children were kept largely apart from the American children at Holy Family, but this fall the older ones attended public school. Other highlights of their stay were their first experiences with hot showers and with snow.  "No one had to teach them to make a snowball and throw it - that came naturally," Yankoski said.

She said the children had spoken by phone with their families in Haiti and were expected to remain in contact with them after their adoptions. "It's been a privilege to be of service to these children," Yankoski said. "We're thrilled that we will be able work with them through this step to having a family they can call their own."

The children were part of an airlift of 54 youths from the Bresma orphanage in Haiti's capital, Port-au-Prince, where two Pittsburgh-area sisters, Jamie and Alison McMutrie, had been volunteering for years. The sisters' urgent post-quake pleas for help were heeded - participants in the Jan. 19 airlift included Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell."

It Passed!

The Help Haiti Act reappeared in the House as quickly and mysteriously as it had previously disappeared, and adoptive parents of ~1,200 Haitian children are thankful for the immediate rights and protections it ensures upon finalized, legal adoption.

Additionally, the parents may apply upon finalization of adoption for citizenship for their children rather than having to wait for two years before such application.

Thank you, D.C.!  And thank you to all of you, friends and family, who pesterd legislators on our behalf.  Just waiting for Obama's signature  .  .  .

A Place for Hope to Grow

The Road to Hope is a nonprofit charitable organization that chose to dedicate it's resources to the McMutrie Sisters' nonprofit Haitian Orphan Rescue.  Read the update from The Road to Hope, found below, for exciting details about Jamie and Ali's new orphanage! 

"The continued suffering of the Haitian people, the frustratingly slow speed of the clean up and reconstruction, the outbreak of cholera and the uncertainty of the election has troubled us all. We are proud to inform you of how your donated dollars are making a real difference in the lives of many Haitian children in need TODAY!

Things are in full swing at The Road to Hope. Nouvo Vilaj has decided to start in a beautiful home in the hills above Port au Prince. Since the purchase of land has become so burdened with politics (and timing seems to be so out of our hands), we rented a large, wonderful home so that we can begin caring for children. Jamie and Ali are living there and getting things working beautifully.

They have eight children in the home, a few nannies, a nurse, a couple of cooks and some folks helping take care of land around the home. We are putting in a water filtration system that will provide plenty of clean water and looking at plans for composting. The land already has orange, grapefruit, tangerine, lime and avocado trees, but will soon have potatoes, carrots, coffee, spinach, and green onions growing! We already have a cow, two pigs and chickens. We are working on a chicken coop and safe area for them to live.

What about the community surrounding the orphanage?

Jamie and Ali have helped to keep more than forty children out of orphanage care and with their families! Jamie and Ali, along with The Road to Hope, believe that only children whose families truly cannot or do not want to care for them should be in an orphanage. Jamie and Ali have been a major part of keeping more than thirty families together by helping to provide supplies and formula for those in dire need.


Jamie and Ali help to provide birth control to more than twenty women in the surrounding area. Birth control in Haiti is not only very hard to find, but the education that goes with keeping women on it can be a daunting project. Jamie and Ali travel every month to educate and provide birth control for these women, thereby decreasing the number of children needing to go into orphanage care.

Jamie and Ali provide many pounds of formula for the community. They distribute it for pregnant and breastfeeding women to drink. They provide it for children over two years of age who are no longer breastfeeding. They have also given some cans to women to help facilitate small businesses. They even unofficially "train" them in starting a business. This has been very successful for a number of women.

And there is much more to come. There are plans underway that will reach out to the community and increase self-sustainability for the area in many ways. Stay tuned!


See more pictures and follow our efforts by visiting our website at www.theroadtohope.org"

The Pitt Twelve -- Nearly 10 Months Overdue

Friend and fellow parent-in-waiting,
Virginia Kassahn, gives gentle,
soulful voice to the despair we've
been living while advocating for
the children who need families,
and healing,
and peace of heart
and mind  .  .  .   

since last January  .  .  .  

Take a read -- http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/the-answer-for-midelyne-and-be-the-answer-for-katy/

Love ya, Virginia!

It's Inconceivable

November is National Adoption Month, and the Joint Council on International Children's Services is posting a blog-a-day from adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents, telling their stories.  I am so, so, so tired from all that we have done to try to get our Haitian children in Pittsburgh released to healing family care, and yet, I skim through the JCICS blog entries, and realize sadly, very sadly, that "The Haitian 12" are not alone in the oh-so-close-but-not-quite-to-families travesty.  And the number of children without even that prospect is mind-numbing.  I knew this, but these personal, detailed, first-hand accounts bring it forth anew.  Oh. my.    http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/

The Ultimate in Repurposing -- Haiti's Amazing Art

I came across a Youtube clip (4 minutes) on the website "Its Cactus" from which I've ordered some Haitian metal work, and it's an interesting look at how this infamous artform is done.  I thought you might enjoy, too  .  .  .  http://www.itscactus.com/the-artists/haiti-video.php

A New Kind of Difficult



Borrowed from Miami-Herald.com 
Two children in Tomas floodwaters in
Port-au-Prince



I've been distracted this week.  Yes, by our never-ending wait for the kiddos in Pittsburgh to be released (hopefully) to our family.  Yes, by my winter wardrobe reminding me (naggingly) that I have GOT to get into a regular exercise routine.  Yes, by the uncertainty over the next governor of our politically troubled Illinois.  By headaches.  And heartburn. 

All the other important stuff is still getting done -- students taught, Hunter and Bay cared for and listened to, bills paid, dishes cleaned (okay, sometimes), yadda yadda  .  .  .

But with Hurricane Tomas making it's way toward Haiti this past week, I couldn't not think constantly, also, about Josianna and Wendy, and their parents  .  .  .  in the Jeremie area somewhere -- on the far west end of the southern peninsula. 

News reports sound "good," relatively speaking -- Tomas spared the island, although flooding is causing problems.  "Only" six confirmed deaths.  Only.  On the scale of international news and global trauma, what is six compared to a couple hundred thousand who perished as a result of the January earthquake?  If even one of those six, however, is your friend, your sister, your gran papa, it's everything.

I thought it would be difficult to let go of our previous notion of becoming Josianna and Wendy's parents, and it was.  But we've come to peace with it.  Even though there are still moments of pause when I least expect. 

But with the cholera news.  And the Tomas winds.  I've realized that we will never again not worry about Haiti -- deeply and with tearful hearts -- whenever danger threatens.  Those "babies" -- now eight and six years old -- belong to the mama and papa who birthed them and raised them to school-age, the parents who took them to BRESMA with courageous selflessness to get medicine for Wendy and the opportunity for both children to have futures in the U.S., the mom and dad who retrieved them from the orphanage hours after the quake so they could try for a new life together in a rural community far from the city.  I respect that.  And accept it.

"Once a mother, always a mother," says MY mom whenever she catches herself giving me unnecessary advice, like "Did you preheat the oven?" or "Do you have your receipt with you?"  And now, I realize that in just two visits over five months I had invested my mind, heart, and soul so deeply into my commitment to becoming the new mama for precocious, curious Josianna and vibrant, charming Wendy that they are forever a part of me.  In my heart they are my babies, but not in a way that infringes upon their birth mother, their mom.  The kids called me "Mami" (mah-MEE), which I learned is not only a good step toward how to address an American mom, but in Haiti, apparently it's what children often call caretakers (like nannies).  Tadeline is their mama.  And there is much, much love and nurturing between them.  They are in their mama's arms. 

I pray that God holds the four of them in his.

Once a mami, always a mami.  It's the most beautiful, painful gift.    

Tired of the Stress and Negativity

brought on by campaign season?  The slash-and-burn-your-opponent political ads? 

The good health to make it to the polls?  The comfort of watching election results roll in on your television?  The fact that we take for granted -- completely and always -- the peaceful transfer of power that follows?

November 28th, election day in Haiti, is fast-approaching  .  .  .  here's just one news story intro:

"PORT-AU-PRINCE (Reuters) - A post-earthquake cholera epidemic, fears of political violence and vote credibility questions are clouding Haiti's path to elections next month seen as crucial for stability in the Western Hemisphere's poorest nation  .  .  ."  (By Joseph Guyler Delva   Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:11pm EDT )

Debate, listen, consider, vote, and yes, even wave off in annoyance those omnipresent doomsday voices in tv ads that warn that all hell will break loose if the "other" candidate is elected  .  .  .  and pray that Haitians may experience just a little less of the starved, dismembered, frightened, muddied, deathly hell on earth that they're already suffering.

Studies Reveal the Best Water to Drink . . .

is found in the purchased bottles in my garage, and coming out of my kitchen tap, and running through the drinking fountain at school.  With an overabundance of cholera-free water all around, I count my blessings.  And am thankful for a house in which to retreat from rain and wind, and in which to shower, and wash hands, and cook foods, and keep said food safely frozen or refrigerated until needed.  And that I have food, at all.

Just a short plane ride away, mamas fear for their children's lives from beneath flapping, blowing, wet tarps.  With empty stomachs.  And countless days, months, years ahead without promise, yet, of anything better.

From Easter Baskets to Halloween Bins

After returning home from Pittsburgh in the frigid days of January, we took absolute advantage of the time of waiting to prepare our house to become home to the new children in every detail imaginable -- beds with homemade quilts, plush animals, specially chosen gifts from Hunter & Baylor, toothbrushes, photos in frames, Haitian metal crosses for bedroom shelves, and on, and on, and on.  As winter turned to spring, we bought Easter outfits, and baskets that were later filled to overflowing by "the bunny." 

We swapped out the heavy winter wear in our luggage (ready-in-waiting) for shorts, skirts, and tanks of summer.

With the falling leaves and crisp, cool breezes, comes the realization that this endurance of uncertainty has seen all seasons.  As horridly despairing and headache-and-insomnia-inducing as this has been for us, the travesty is that children have waited all these spins of the earth and moon -- waited with hurt and with longing and uncertainty.

The excellent news, now, is that a US delegation traveled to Haiti roughly six weeks ago, and they met face-to-face with officials of the Haitian government and the children's birth parents.  We are pleased that such direct measures have been taken to clarify and to document officially the legal status of the children regarding parental relinquishment based on verified witness of the birth parents' complete understanding of said relinquishment and the US adoption process.  We have been assured that all of this not only respected fully the rights and free, informed choices of the birth parents, but that the discussions were conducted in a manner that also respected the parents' personal dignity.

Painfully selfless, the decision to allow someone else to raise one's children -- believing it is their best hope for safe, healthy futures -- simply has to be an experience of faith, humility, courage, pain, and hope.  For their hope and for the kids' hope, we await finalization of necessary documentation and processing by the Haitian government.  We do not know what all that may entail or how long it make take, but once that major step is finished, we trust that our preparedness, our own humility, and our willingness to cooperate fully with both nations will enable a homecoming and healing for the children. 

Our hope is that the kids won't have to wish and dream from within an institution for much longer.

What Is Wrong With These Pictures?

Reliving our youth, and trying to keep ourselves from the gloom of the never-ending wait for our kiddos, Chad and I dug up some appropriate attire for the fall faculty "'Back to School Party -- 80's Style" hosted by our good friends Phil & Jill Applebee .  .  .  although anyone who knew me back in my younger days will attest that the get-up seen in the pic is less horrid than my make-shift attempts at fashion in my preteen/teenage days.  (No, this does not require a response of tagged images on Facebook; certainly the web would crash if such horror was attempted.  My evil eye IS watching.) 

And as if our appearance at the party wasn't ridiculous enough, we later participated in "Twin Day" during homecoming week at the HS where we teach (Maroa-Forsyth)  .  .  .  Pretty simple idea, not so easy for me to teach -- the kids had a hard time taking me seriously (although we did work, a lot, I just smirked and cackled more than usual while discussing Ancient Greece, the rules of map use, and sociological issues)  .  .  .   I guess it's all coming full circle, as I've now been flattered with parody (alongside a dozen or so other faculty) in the pep assembly skit put on by the Seniors [wearing a sari, talking about my friend Archana, and, separately, using my now infamous teaching line (albeit stolen from Wayne Kent) oft repeated when studying other cultures -- "It's not weird; it's different!"]

How It All Gets Started

Wonder Women, Jamie & Ali McMutrie, are slowly taking in new children for care, and so proceeds their Nouvo Vilaj.  As papers are processed and designs made reality, these ladies live and work out of a rented house doing what they love best -- nurturing wee ones to health.  I borrow here from fabulous, comedic, Pittsburgh blogger, Virginia Montanez, (http://thatschurch.com/)  .  .  ."Speaking of babies, ladies, hold on to your ovaries and check out this picture Jamie and Ali McMutrie sent from Haiti of one of the children they care for down there:"

"As Jeff said recently in an episode of Chuck, 'I think my water just broke.' ”

Our adoption journey began with a picture -- of a little girl at a Missionaries of Charity (Mother Theresa) orphanage in Haiti  .  .  .   my Mom side-tripped to the facility on her first adventure into the mountainous land.  Six months later, the wee child's beaming smile was too much for me to ignore.

We learned, months later, that the girl we'd come to call "Sunflower" had been a temporary resident -- there only for medical care -- who went home to her birth family.  May she continue to grow and blossom! 

And so, we were then open to a referral from BRESMA orphanage, and thus, Josianna and Wendy entered our lives for ten months of love and growth -- for all of us.  A life-changing earthquake led their birth parents to retrieve them from orphanage care and make their way to safety in village life far from the confines of Port-au-Prince.  We continue to make efforts to get to them messages and mementos as symbols of our love and respect for their family and blessings of health, hope, and happiness for now and for their future.

With dedicated hearts, committed souls, and prepared minds, we yearn to bring into our family Haitian children who need us  .  .  .  children who have no prospect of family care otherwise, and thus, we work tirelessly for the release from authority of the US government children who were re-institutionalized in Pittsburgh, nearly nine months ago.

The 26-month journey has been an indescribable, invaluable growth experience .  .  and as we teeter on the brink of news (yes, a decision, finally) any day, any moment, I realize that this has been one hell of a labor.   

Yet, the McMutries love child after child after child, and have made this their lives.  Around the clock.  Through quake, fear, and deaths.  Endless bureaucracy and numbing numbers in need.  For love of the most vulnerable.  For life.

City Wedding Indian Style

The Drake Hotel, Chicago.
Best friends. 
Culture.  Food.  Music. 
Stress relief.
Need I say more?

The happy couple -- Bipin and Parvathy. 

(I've known Parv for 29 years -- since I met her older sister, Archana, in 3rd grade.)

I was honored to be part of their wedding procession.

The ceremony.

Cocktail hour.

Archana & Suhas' restless Kiran.

 

Kiran's sleepy li'l sis', Kalyani.

The reception.

 

Four best friends. 

I met Andrea (black dress) when we were 3 or 4; Arch (black sari) in 3rd grade;

and Kara (green outfit)in 6th grade.

Nineteen years after our high school graduation we appreciate each other even more  .  .  .  and sure enjoyed watching "our" little sister celebrate her wedding day.   Stepping out of my middle class digs for an indulgent weekend was nice, relishing Indian culture was perfectly wonderful, and good ol' fashioned friend therapy -- marvelous.  

After returning my borrowed sari, Chad and I drove downstate to home  .  .  .  generic milk, dog-hair covered floors, lessons to plan  .  .  .  kids to get home  .  .  .

  

Done for the Season

The summer was full of jobs to complete (or at least nearly) the addition we put on the house over the past 2 years.  We're down to just a little trim, lots of woodfill on said trim, and a few spots of touch-up paint.  And some structural components for landscaping -- next summer. 

A serious need to scrap the old, nasty tub/shower in the upstairs bathroom, however, reared its head, and thankfully was satisfied by Chad's parents (thank you, again!).  But then, of course, we had to do a new floor because the old floor didn't match up with the new tub install, and you don't put new floor around an old beast of a sink/vanity, so you replace the sink and the mirror and the light, and then the cabinet above the toilet is fine, except it doesn't match and needs to be painted  .  .  .  (I need to stop watching HGTV)  .  .  .  and we nearly gutted the room and have a brand new one.  And right after we were already clearly burnt-out on home improvement for the season.  Thanks to my in-laws, some savvy shopping on my part, and our knack for repurposing, "creative" design, and do-it-yourself attitude (except the tub/shower install for which hubby assisted dad-in-law), we got 'er done and on a tiny, tiny budget. 

Calgon!

New School Clothes

Yoda-lovin' mellow man can't exactly say he likes the getting up at 6:30am bit or having to accomplish an evening checklist of homework, packing his lunch, and such, but he did luck out by ending up with the same beloved teacher he had in third grade.  Mrs. Upperman is da bomb!  And if ya get a new Star Wars t-shirt, back-to-school can't be all bad.  Monday and Thursday night soccer training is enjoyable for this fifth grader, as he's got great coaches with loads of expertise and plenty of healthy perspective on kids' sports.  Sleeping in on Saturdays is still the favorite activity, and night-time back rubs allow for this introvert to go into endless talking mode -- interesting thoughts go through the minds of these quiet ones.

Miss Bay was soooo way ready for school to get going, even if her hyper-alertness leaves her exhausted by the end of each day.  Another fabulous teacher, Ms. Stout, is at the helm of Bay's second grade class, and our little blondie is already enjoying her teacher's stories, in-depth art lessons, and ample dose of social studies.  Matching the components of her outfits has happened more frequently for Baylor this year already; in first grade she, shall we say, had strong opinions about what to wear which had nothing to do with coordinating colors, styles, prints, or seasons.  If it was clean and within dresscode, I learned simply to say, "Thanks for getting dressed."

Chad and my classes have all gotten off to great starts -- nice schedules and overall really fabulous students. 

Status

Most obviously, this entry is not legit, because -- no picture.  : )  Maybe you'll read it anyway.  I have reflected over these past few days while working on home improvement tasks, and it dawned on me that I could be a bit more clear and give at least a few specifics about the current status of the kids' cases. 

ORR (the Office of Refugee Resettlement) under the jurisdiction of HHS (Health and Human Services) has legal authority over the children and oversees (indirectly) their care.  ORR has in their possession the multitudes of documents about our family and they are the office/agency who is responsible for approving sponsors to care for children who enter the US unaccompanied by legal guardians.  If we are approved, we would be able to bring the children home and then go through the legal channels within our home state of Illinois to process an adoption, and then jump through some hula hoops (or was it over hurdles?) with the federal government to apply for citizenship for the kids (although brand new legislation should be a big help).  All of this takes more time, additional papers, fees, patience, prayers, and such.

Buuuuuuut, before any of that can even be considered possible, HHS/ORR must conclude their collaboration with DHS (Department of Homeland Security) -- specifically CIS (Citizenship & Immigration Services), and DOS (Department of State; aka State Department).

[And, have I mentioned the sick, sick humor employed by the language gods -- clearly at my expense?  I've tended, my whole grown-up life, toward great dislike for acronyms. ]


Presently, the State Department is consulting with the Haitian government and has also made mention of planning to verify that the birth parents understand fully and completely the long-term ramifications of relinquishing their parental rights and choosing for their children the route of international adoption.

We (Chad and I) couldn't agree more that these things should absolutely, positively be done.  It has always been a deeply held belief for us that birth families should be preserved whenever possible and adoption should be a route to a healthy future only for those kids who have no other option for family care. 

Our prayer -- the prayer we ask you to lift up alongside us -- is that all persons in positions of care and authority regarding these children shall act with a sense of urgency and with the well-being of the children as their singular focus. 

Time matters to the children.  Every day that passes is another spin of the globe for them without family.  They can not heal deeply and can not grow to potential while institutionalized  .  .  .  They are fast approaching the 7-month mark of re-institutionalization following evacuation after surviving the earthquake, and all of this after having already waited for parents from within BRESMA orphanage for three years.  They watched 42 of their orphanage friends go home to forever families from the hospital in Pittsburgh.

Second prayer request -- that the children may somehow know that a family still awaits them -- the Mama and Papa they met in Pittsburgh way back in January.  If they could know this in their hearts .   .  .  have hope, kiddos!


For your attention span, your love, your prayers -- Meci.

It's Daily

For those of you who check in here thinking, "I wonder how their adoption is going?" I have to apologize that I've not put most of the play-by-play on this site.  Rest assured we work daily to bring home those beautiful children; in fact, it's easily become my full-time unpaid job with a healthy offering of overtime.  It's just that when you accomplish making some connections and this particular fellow is willing to make phone calls on your behalf and that lady over yonder will meet with so-and-so for your cause, the fellows and ladies just sorta don't like it all being advertised.  I'm no poker player, but I think there's something about not showing your hand of cards 'round the room in the middle of the game.  Or somethin' like that.  Anyway, I will share with you, loving people who check in on us, here, that we have lobbied politicians and bureaucrats, networked with adoption professionals and adoptive parents, and Googled a bizarre array tidbits -- anything and everything that might remotely assist in a solution.   We have tacked to our wall the flow charts of government agencies and concept maps of strategic connections to anyone with influence.  We have the "Getting the Kids" (a.k.a. flying out the door things to do and calls to make from the mini-van) list.  We have "What needs taken care of in our classrooms" list.  The "After Kids are Home" list (legal items, health professional items, helping them get in contact with their best friends from BRESMA items...).  I don't have a list of the lists, although maybe this post qualifies?

And the longest list of all -- the "Thank You" list.  Anything that has created even a step of progress is due to the help, skills, connections and/or support of our families, friends, colleagues, neighbors, students, acquaintenances, my hairdresser, the copy guy at Staples  .  .  .  Incredible collective effort!      

And by the way, CHAD insisted on taking this picture.  He said "It's what you looked like this whole summer."  I include it here only because blog entries seem, well, more legit if there's a visual aid.  It's certainly not because I make t-shirts look good.  Hmm.  Surprise-surprise -- it's a Maroa-Forsyth basketball shirt.

A New Vocation

After her previous years of career planning -- mail carrier with gum, teacher, and Wal-mart blooper (as in the lady who makes the merchandise "bloop" across the checkout scanner) -- Miss Baylor has presently opened an art shop.  I admire her wax and watercolor media on white multi-purpose printer paper.  The greatest of B.A. Cluver's creations are "Potret of Me," "Yummy Fruit," and "Very Crazy Lines."  The real draw of the boutique, however, are the hand-crafted $10 bills distributed in thin, clear money holders secured with an innovative yellow-and-blue-makes-green strip.  If this opening week marketing plan doesn't allure clients, surely luck will have it that someone will pass through for an emergency glass of ice tea from the fridge.   

It was quite the gallery walk. Inspired by the warm customer service,

I strolled away with a few new items of decor for my home office.

 Mah-ve-lous dahling!

Today!

Joint Council on International Children's Services released a report today about Beatha, Jameson, and their 10 friends:  http://www.jcics.org/Summary%20Report-%20The%20Haitian%20Twelve.pdf

My guest blog post for JCICS:  http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/2010/07/14/guest-post-sherry-cluver-life-after-the-earthquake/

Please spread the word about this report -- Facebook it, blog it, tweet it, sing it, do interpretive dance if you wish! 

Thank you.

Another Happy CNN Story

The link below takes you to a short CNN news story about Jamie and Ali McMutrie's new brother, Fredo, previously of BRESMA orphanage where the ladies had cared for him since infancy.  He's a super cute child and you will smile as you sit in front of your computer watching this (really).  Great, sincere story. 

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/07/14/pennsylvania.haiti.adoption/

I love hearing the Pittsburgh accent -- reminds me of all the years of childhood visiting Paps, Grandmas, Aunts, Uncles, and dozens of cousins in PA -- that was every summer, youins.

Forsyth Woman & GLA Seperate Scenarios

Just to clarify the superfast blurb mentioned during the 6 o'clock news on WAND this evening, I believe the commentary about God's Littlest Angels was intended to explain that GLA has presently in its care in Haiti seventy children whose family status is as of yet undetermined.  Therefore, these children are not available for adoption, but rather, are considered displaced children until they can be reunited with family members lost since the quake or clearly and legally determined to be orphans. 

Secondly, this has no bearing on the one-line that preceded this story about a "Forsyth woman" whose children are still "being held."  Yes, we are still waiting on our children, but it is a scenario completely distinct from the GLA interview.

God bless GLA, and gratitude to WAND for commemorating the 6 month anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti.  It is with hesitancy that I type this entry, as I prefer not to sound off as a critic; it is simply that absolute accuracy in public messages is critical to appropriate outcomes for vulnerable children.

Big Fat Important Stuff!

Keep up with the "Haitian Twelve" (Beatha and Jameson and their ten comrades) by visiting betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com every day this week -- it's an official website of Joint Council on International Children's Services. 

Please Facebook it, tweet it, share it with everyone you know.

Thank you.

Happier Days

If you need a reason to smile, check out the CNN footage of our friends Jean, Ross, and little Alexander over in the left margin ("The Orphan Crisis"), THEN visit this linked blog article with photos --  it will be a bright spot in your day  .  .  .  http://thatschurch.com/2010/06/28/when-it-rains/

Enjoy!  (We sure did.)

(The photo is property of the blog, "That's Church.")

Clover Clarification

Upon doing a quick net search of "four-leaf clovers," I was able to learn that Hunter's first find is not of the historic, official "good luck" species; yet, still fun and exciting.  The second, however, has all the tell-tale signifiers -- leaf shape, leaf pattern (white lines), and the apparent characteristic of the fourth (mutant) leaf being smaller than the other three.  The fourth 1-in-10,000 leaf (stat per Wikipedia -- take with a chunk of salt) represents luck or God's grace -- depending on your religious/philosophical leanings. 

Really.

Tonight, in the town of Macon, Illinois, at his little sister's softball game, Hunter Cluver found another four leaf clover -- that's two in one week. 
                       
Maybe the big guy is tellin' us something?

Food for the Soul

Prancing in her church shoes, Miss Baylor waits on me.  She presents her Princess Tiana cookbook (with scrumptious pictures) as a menu and with assured poise she takes my order, climbs the stairs, and prepares in her toy room an array of dishes.  Keeping in character for over an hour, Bay writes and stirs and delivers and inquires, "Do you like your food, Ma'am?"

She knows that Beatha likes to cook, for real, and amid all of the work of family adjustments, we three ladies will undoubtedly have some kitchen fun together.  I imagine that Beatha, if typical of older Haitian children, will have an ingrained sense of responsibility toward the younger children, and it will be Chad and my job to teach her that here, in a family home, she can be a child.  We will worry about the things to which parents tend and she need only be concerned about her 12-year-old on-goings.  No small task to help her (and Jameson) learn these roles.  Nonetheless, Baylor will relish the attention of an older girl, who I predict will do some doting on the little one.

Assertive as one can be, Bay is also a kitten in the lap of affection.  It's been a difficult five months for us, to say the least, and it will soothe us all to have everyone gathered at the same table.